The American Dream Is Changing: Are Fewer Kids Part Of The New Reality?
For decades, the American dream has been synonymous with the image of a happy family: a white picket fence, a home filled with laughter, and a minivan loaded with children. But as the U.S. confronts a record-low fertility rate, the very definition of family and success is undergoing a significant shift. While many Americans still desire children, a growing number are opting out of parenthood for reasons that extend far beyond economics.
Key Takeaways:
- The U.S. fertility rate has hit a record low, falling to around 1.6 births per woman in 2023. This has sparked concerns among economists, politicians, and even the Pope who see this as a threat to the future workforce and economic growth.
- While the cost of raising children in the U.S. is a factor, it’s not the primary reason people are forgoing parenthood. A 2024 Pew Research study found that over 57% of childless adults under 50 simply don’t want children, prioritizing their own aspirations and lifestyles.
- The changing face of modern parenting plays a significant role in this decision. The pressure to "be the perfect parent" is immense, fueled by a constant barrage of differing parenting advice, information overload, and the expectation that parents be "always on" for their kids.
Parenthood in the U.S. is Expensive…
The cost of raising a child in the U.S. is undeniably high, but the narrative that it’s the main reason for declining birth rates is only partly true. While the estimated cost to raise a child from birth to age 18 is over $330,000, just 36% of childless adults under 50 say they couldn’t afford to raise a child, according to Pew Research.
The U.S. stands out amongst wealthy nations for its lack of mandated paid parental leave – something enjoyed by a vast majority of developed countries. This absence of guaranteed support for new parents further compounds the financial strain associated with raising children.
…But Money Isn’t the Main Reason Americans Won’t Have Kids
While cost is a factor, a staggering 57% of childless adults under 50 simply choose not to have children. This desire to prioritize their own lives and experiences is a stark contrast to previous generations, who were often more focused on achieving the traditional family model.
Contributing to this shift are the increasing accessibility of contraception and reproductive technologies, allowing people to avoid unintended pregnancies with greater control. This has resulted in a significant drop in unintended pregnancies.
Parenthood Looks Daunting: “We Prefer Not to Be On the Clock 24/7”
Callie Freitag, a 33-year-old assistant professor in Madison, Wisconsin, shares her and her partner’s perspective: "We’d rather spend our time, energy, and resources in other ways. We love being aunt and uncle, but prefer not to be on the clock watching children 24/7."
For many young adults, the demands of modern parenting, characterized by increased time investment and heightened expectations, feel overwhelming. The rise of "intensive parenting" – the expectation to be constantly engaged and dedicated to a child’s well-being – adds to this pressure.
No One Wants to Be a Bad Parent: ‘A Kind Of General Anxiety’
Paula Fass, a cultural historian at UC Berkeley, highlights a crucial factor: “There’s fear about child rearing and parenting, a kind of general anxiety that penetrates the younger generation.”
Navigating the constant criticism and scrutiny of parenting styles in a digital age adds to this anxiety. Parents are bombarded with conflicting advice, making it difficult to discern the best approach—a stark contrast to the era of a singular authority like Dr. Spock.
“You Go Online and There Are 10 to 15 Different Perspectives"
The pressure to provide an "ideal" childhood for children has intensified, creating a sense of overwhelming responsibility. Feeling the need to perfectly orchestrate a child’s upbringing with activities like "gentle parenting," specialized schooling, or elite sports training – all while navigating conflicting parenting advice online – can be daunting.
For many, the potential for falling short of these expectations creates a sense of apprehension. Brianna, a 29-year-old from Connecticut who chose to be surgically sterilized last year, echoes this sentiment: "The amount of stress I feel in making sure that she’s living her best life and is healthy is not an amount of stress that I would want a child to have to deal with.”
Policy Can Only Go So Far to Encourage Reproduction
Declining birth rates are not limited to the U.S. Many countries around the world, like South Korea, are facing similar challenges. While governments are implementing various policies to encourage reproduction, like cash incentives and expanded parental leave, they haven’t yielded significant results.
Demographers emphasize the complexities at play, recognizing that higher incomes and quality of life often lead to a decrease in birth rates. Furthermore, higher levels of education tend to contribute to delaying parenthood and having fewer children.
Ultimately, the question of whether government intervention is even necessary is subject to debate. While the U.S. population has continued to grow despite decades of sub-replacement fertility rates, the societal implications of a shrinking future workforce remain a concern.
The Decision To Choose Not To Have Children Remains Personal
For individuals, the choice to have children remains deeply personal. And those who choose to remain child-free often have a deep love and respect for children and families. Nina Job, who chose to remain child-free after witnessing the diverse forms of family life in New York, affirms this: “I love kids,” she says. “I want to be able to help other people with their kids in moments where they’re really struggling.”
In the face of a shifting societal landscape, the decision not to have children reflects a growing realization that happiness and fulfillment can be achieved in ways that deviate from the traditional American dream. As we grapple with the implications of a declining birth rate, we must acknowledge the complexities and individual choices that influence this powerful societal shift.
