Victor M. Sweeney, a 33-year-old licensed funeral director and mortician in Warren, Minnesota, offers a compelling glimpse into a profession often shrouded in mystery. His journey, from witnessing his first embalming at 18 to establishing a fulfilling career in a small town, reveals the emotional depth, logistical complexities, and surprising satisfaction of his work. Earning just over $87,000 per year, Sweeney’s story challenges preconceived notions about this crucial role in society, highlighting the personal rewards that outweigh higher-paying opportunities in larger cities.
Key Takeaways: A Life in Death Care
- Uncommon Career Path: Discover the fulfilling, yet emotionally demanding, world of a funeral director in a small town.
- Financial Realities: Learn about the average salary of a funeral director and Sweeney’s decision to prioritize personal fulfillment over a higher income.
- Emotional Intelligence: Explore the delicate balance between empathy and professionalism required to support grieving families.
- Community Impact: Witness the unique connection between a funeral director and a small town community.
- Daily Tasks: Gain insight into the multifaceted role, from responding to late-night calls to preparing bodies for services.
Becoming a Funeral Director: A Path Forged Through Grief
Sweeney’s journey began with early exposure to death. His older sister’s death before his birth and the loss of a childhood friend profoundly shaped his perspective. This early engagement with mortality, combined with a “death-positive” family upbringing, significantly lessened the taboo surrounding death. He states, “**I really don’t fear death**”. While considering becoming a priest, he ultimately discovered a more suitable path through reading Thomas Lynch’s “The Undertaking,” a collection of essays about death and the role of a funeral director. This spurred him to seek employment at a local funeral home during his final year of high school. He later earned a degree in pre-mortuary science followed by a bachelor’s in funeral service and mortuary science.
Early Influences and Career Choice
The influence of “The Undertaking” coupled with experience working at a funeral home instilled in Sweeney a deep appreciation for funeral directing. His early hands-on experience, coupled with his personal experiences helped him become comfortable with the notion of death. He explains that **”having the ability to do something provides me with a bit of relief and comfort”**. This realization cemented his decision to pursue a career in this field.
Working as a Funeral Director in a Small Town: More Than Just a Job
In 2014, Sweeney started working at DuBore Funeral Home in Warren, Minnesota, a small town of 1,600. This intimate setting fosters profound connections with the community. He explains that “**you end up knowing almost everybody who comes through the door**”. This familiarity adds an extra layer of complexity and emotional investment to his work. It means not just providing a service, but also being present for the people he knows during times of profound grief.
Balancing Emotions and Professionalism
Sweeney adeptly navigates the emotional demands of his role. He stresses the importance of finding a balance. “**The kind of person who does best in the funeral world treads the middle way…between two extremes,**” he notes, referring to those who are overly morbid versus those who are excessively empathetic. He credits this balance, along with a support structure from his family, for allowing him to handle the pressures of his job. He even attributes his sense of fulfillment to this middle way between extremes.
The Power of Choice and Community
Sweeney has declined higher-paying positions in larger cities. He explains his decision by stating, “**I want to be here**”. He values the autonomy and flexibility his current position allows, including helping those in need. This dedication extends beyond the funeral home, as he actively restores unmarked graves in the local cemetery, hand-carving and lettering headstones in Latin—a testament to his commitment to the town and its history.
On the Job: A 24/7 Commitment to Families
Sweeney’s role encompasses far more than just preparing bodies. It begins the moment the phone rings, initiating a 24/7 commitment tailored to the specific needs of every grieving family. He explains that it is commonplace for funeral homes to operate 24/7. He arrives at the place of death with a portable cot, helping arrange the transfer of the deceased. When explaining the logistics, he says, “**Often, the family wants to have a hands-on role in moving their loved one, so I gently coach them through how to do it**”. This approach shows his empathetic nature, fostering a sense of participation and involvement.
Embalming and Preparation: Respect and Dignity
At the funeral home, the process of embalming the body begins, if such a practice is chosen, unless cremation is chosen. Sweeney explains that the main goal of embalming is to **”sanitize the body and also preserve it”**. This crucial procedure ensures that the body remains presentable for visitation and funeral services, preserving the appearance and dignity of the deceased. He skillfully mends injuries and utilizes mortuary wax and cosmetics to restore a natural appearance. “**When I give a body back to a family—a body that’s been injured—I don’t want them to know where**,” demonstrates a level of precision in the task. He dresses the deceased in clothing provided by the family and carefully positions them in the casket, aiming for a peaceful and natural pose. From this point, he orchestrates all the logistics involved with the funeral and burial.
Beyond the Physical: Supporting the Healing Process
Sweeney’s work goes beyond the technical aspects; the emotional support he provides families during their time of grief is paramount. He consciously encourages family participation in the funeral rites, believing that actions like carrying the casket or passing around the urn have profound healing effects. He expresses his belief in the profound effect of physical involvement during funeral services. He explains that “**These kinds of actions really drive the healing process**.”
Why Sweeney Writes His Own Yearly Obituary: Life and Legacy
Sweeney’s profound engagement with mortality extends to his own life. Every August, he rewrites his obituary; a self-reflective exercise that continually refines his understanding of what truly matters. He explains that **”each year, my obituary gets shorter and shorter”**. This recurring contemplation reinforces his appreciation for the life he’s built.
A Life Well-Lived
The yearly obituary writing serves as a powerful reflection. Through this act, Sweeney acknowledges mortality while reinforcing his personal fulfillment. He declares, “**I’m wildly happy**”. He finds contentment in his family relationships, his work, and the positive impact he has on his community. The consistent joy he receives from his work is a testament to his fulfillment and appreciation for his career path.
